The first day after my Castor oil pack, my pelvic floor felt very loose. I contacted Curandera telling her that it felt as if my uterus was going to fall right out of my vagina. I had an extreme feeling of weakness in my pelvic floor. She said that this was a good thing! She believes that the adhesions and internal scarring that were holding my uterus in place were breaking up, and now my muscles were taking over. This just goes to show how weak my pelvic floor is. My pelvic areas seems all squishy and loose. Time to start working on that!
Another unpleasant side effect was 4 days of epic diarrhea, and a period that feels like the Red Sea is trying to escape my body. I'm only now starting to get back to normal in the bowel department. Handfuls of acidophilus have been my best friend.
As a result of these bowel shenanigans, I once again missed the Red Tent. I was so pissed off. I couldn't risk a fecal accident though, so what was I to do?
Today, I gave myself permission to spend money…not on the kids or my husband, but myself. I purchased a membership to an online workout for mama's with d. recti separation. I had a last minute cake order that proved wildly fruitful, so instead of doing home improvement, I'm doing ME improvement.
I'm both excited and skeptical I will follow through with it, which is why I have been hesitant to purchase it earlier. I am the kind of person that likes to show up for a class, I need that kind of accountability. I'm concerned that an online class with just get lost in the daily shuffle since I can do it "any time I want."(which translates into maybe never, probably.) Let's see how that goes.
I don't know how I am feel about this whole process right now. Check that, I know exactly how I feel right now. I feel like Sisyphus. Part of me is still very eager, and a part of me feels like giving up. I feel very much on a wire, just trying to maintain a balance. I sometimes feel like my life is so full, that how can I possibly find time to do one more thing. On the flip side, I look at the condition of my home (not immaculate), the laundry pile, the dishes in the sink and think, "you're not doing anything! Get off your butt!" I think a lot of us moms live in this dichotomy. We see magazines and Pinterest with titles of "How I maintain a clean house AND raised quintuplets!" You think to yourself, if THAT lady can do it, why can't I just do the dishes every night?" Then you turn around on Facebook and see videos titled "Why Mommy's Can't get Anything Done." You totally relate to the mom folding clothes, who turns to answer the phone, only to have her baby pull up and knock down the pile she just folded. Which is normal? Am I a slacker or the norm?
|My kids are more like, "WAH!" or "Mama I need ____".|